Sewing with Vinyl

Some quick tips from me on making sewing with vinyl a bit easier.

Reflections before Dawn

For some reason my body has decided that 5:45 is the time to wake up this week. This morning I woke up thinking about the past year.

It has been almost exactly a year since I decided to give up the day job and focus on my business. 6 months before that I had left a job that was making me miserable but paid really well. In August my savings was completely depleted and I had to go back to having a day job. This was a really hard transition for me. I felt like a complete failure. It took a few months to realize that the expectations I had set, weren't really how I felt, but how I felt other people viewed what my expectations should be.

It took a couple of months, but I found a day job that not only fit with my schedule, but also has a very positive message that aligns with my own values. I love this job, everything about it. And it wasn't long before I felt like it was meant to be, and I belonged there.

In December I had another set back when my van was hit by another car. I had only just gotten over the last mental setback when this took every dollar I had left, and then some. It was a long month, and in many ways this took longer for me to get over. I felt violated, like my dream was stolen from me, like I had no choice in it, rather than it a result of my actions. It was a very dark time.

I don't know how I would have come out of that with out the support of my tribe and my mentors, and even at times complete strangers. I think it happening so quickly after just coming to terms with the previous "set back" and it being something that was not my fault, but felt like I was being punished was hard, even over whelming. But I made it through. I have a smaller cart now, so my business plan for the summer has changed greatly, but I've been able to continue doing what I love to do.

The point of all of this is that my expectations were unrealistic, and not even my expectations. I had in my head that if I did anything that wasn't related to my business, that I wasn't really devoted to my business. That's just bull shit. It really is a ridiculous notion that you are not a "true" artist (or what ever) if you do not live off nothing but what your art brings in. Am I willing to starve for my work, absolutely, but I'd really rather not if I can help it. It's hard to run a sewing machine from a cardboard house.

Running a business is hard. It takes a good while before you can expect to be in the positive, let alone live solely off of it. I have to work a little harder to balance my business, the day job, and going to school, but it just means that I appreciate the results that much more. Sometimes life doesn't go to plan, so you have to draft a new one.

Playing Dress up with my live dolls

I love playing dress up. I also love dressing up other people. And I love the people who let me dress them up. 

Some people just inspire me. Like this piece worn by the woman who inspired it. Ginger LeSnapps is a brilliant woman, Boss Lady, and Co-founder of Cin City Burlesque. She's one of those people who, when she believes in you, she does so with her whole self. I've been fortunate enough to have this woman as an inspiration and mentor in my life, and from time to time I get to play dress up with her. 

I can't really describe the feeling of putting some one into a vision that you had of them. Especially when it comes together as beautifully as this did. It's like seeing their soul, and then putting it on the outside. 

I will never stop stressing the importance of adult play. I whole heartily believe in it. So take some time out today to color, swing, play a sport, or play dress up. 

Be your best self

Now I will freely admit that I've been guilty of looking at other people and going, "man I wish I had her life." I really never expected some one to say that about me. Well, my mom has a time or two, but I tend to throw that in with the whole being my mom bit. 

The thing about envying other people's life is that, you only ever see what they show you. My life is far from glamorous. I left a very financially comfortable position to struggle every day to do something that I love. I work hard just to make the basic needs to keep myself fed, clothed and sheltered. I don't keep normal hours, I can work 100 hours in a week and not make a dollar. You don't see the nights that I am so filled with worry about making my rent that I'm curled in a ball desperately looking over my possessions for something to sell. You don't see the meals I cut in half to make go further. You don't see me waking at 7am and not getting to bed until after midnight, then up again at 5 in order to keep costumes on track, work the day job, and go to classes. 

You do not see what struggles and demons a person fights every day, but I'll admit that I fell into this too. When I left the well paying job and began the struggle to make my costume business grow, I looked to some successful women around me as inspiration. But when after a few weeks my savings was getting smaller and I was just getting by, I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. I looked at these successful women and said, "Why is my road so much harder?" 

It took one of my mentors to point out that I'm comparing myself to the finished product, not the starting model. This person I was comparing myself to started in a similar spot, she built her business, but she doesn't just do one business either. She has side jobs too. I needn't be embarrassed by needing help, we all do. And I can't compare myself to an end product, I'm just beginning. 

The bottom line is don't try to live up to an idea of what some one else is, You don't know what shit it took to get their grass so green. 

New item is putting a bustle in my step

I love working on new things, and when I came across these I just had to make one... or a dozen.

These simple bustles are so much fun to make, and I can't wait to wear them!

Besides these fun Star Wars and Doctor Who themes, I'm working on some holidays and more formal looking bustles.

Follow what's new on my Facebook page, or on Etsy or the Online Market.

Something you may not know about me

I have quite a few social phobias. Anything that involves talking on the phone to a stranger takes me up to a week to get the nerve up to do. I don't like going out unless I know at least one person that I can use as an anchor all night. I'm also rather shy, and big groups take a lot out of me.

This shocks quite a few people who have seen me "work a crowd". The truth is, I don't work the crowd, The Sewing Wench does. It doesn't take much to get me into that persona, but every event that I work where I'm selling my stuff, it's The Sewing Wench you interact with.

It really isn't that shocking when you consider that I'm the first internet generation. We learned that we could be social with out having to show our true selves. We didn't need to face the rejection because while we did have winners, we also had participation ribbons. If you participated, you weren't a looser. You weren't a winner, but you're not a looser either.

The truth is, becoming The Sewing Wench is kind of like staying behind that computer screen. They don't have to see ME, and it's her they reject, not me. This is why I always support cos-play. My generation and the ones after me haven't grown up in the social worlds as the ones before. Hell even dating is digital and you no longer have to face the person who might reject you, you just send an email and if they don't respond, you can tell yourself all kinds of things. It's kind of like that participation ribbon. If they don't tell you "no" then you participated so no losers here.

I think that's what most of my social anxiety and phobias come from. That fear of rejection. I didn't have to practice it as a youngster. I was never forced to put myself out there. It also wouldn't surprise me if that's what a lot of the kids my age say their social anxiety stems from too. No one likes to be rejected, but in generations past you had to face it, so the sting was a bit less. Kind of like building up a tolerance for something. If you experience it enough, the effect dull out.

There are occasions now where I can't hide behind my alter ego. And what I can't wiggle out of I have to face. It takes me a while to do this. I prep and practice what I need to say, and write out a script, but eventually it gets done. And I'm the better for it.

So don't scoff at that person who always wears Wonder Woman socks, or the guy who wears the Micheal Jackson jacket everywhere. You never know what villains they are fighting in their life.

Ending the year with a Bang...Literally

On Dec. 5th 2015 I was on my way home from vending at the Cin City Burlesque show when the back end of my van was smashed into by another car.

Because it was an older van, the damage was more than the value, so insurance called it a total loss. Oh yeah, the driver of the other car fled the scene because they did not have a valid license or insurance. There is still some debate on whether it was the drunk fella or the girl driving, but the girl is the one being charged. 

This accident really took a lot out of me. I realized just how fragile my confidence can be. This hasn't been an easy case to handle, it's been a fight at every turn.  For the first two weeks I posted a daily update on my gofundme page (gofundme.com/NewCart). Not only was this a way for me to ask (plead) for help, but it was also a bit therapeutic. It gave me a chance to voice to the world every step forward and every hurdle that I had to leap as it came. 

But the other thing that this experience taught me is that I am my biggest obstacle. I would get so into my own head, so into everything that was going wrong, that I couldn't work myself up and stopped doing the things that made me happy. 

I could have been working on more costumes, after the injuries were pretty much on the mend. I could have put a lot more effort into getting things on ebay and such. But I didn't. I stood in my own way a good portion of the time. 

I have let myself get in my own way a few times. I've been scared that something was too big for me, so I didn't go after it. But realizing that you're hurting yourself, is a great start. Now it's time to do something about it. 

No excuses. No "poor me" attitude. I have stuff that needs to be done so by golly it will get done. No one is going to drop a corset company in my lap. I have to make it happen. 

Last year was a great start to making this come true. The year ended very rough, but I survived, and now that I am in January (and have my school reimbursement check because I still don't have the insurance money) I can but my effort into striving, not just surviving. 

I may have lost my way in December. I may have let doubt cloud my path. But today is a new day, new month, new year and a new chance to make things happen.