Sunday, March 27, 2016

Reflections before Dawn

For some reason my body has decided that 5:45 is the time to wake up this week. This morning I woke up thinking about the past year.

It has been almost exactly a year since I decided to give up the day job and focus on my business. 6 months before that I had left a job that was making me miserable but paid really well. In August my savings was completely depleted and I had to go back to having a day job. This was a really hard transition for me. I felt like a complete failure. It took a few months to realize that the expectations I had set, weren't really how I felt, but how I felt other people viewed what my expectations should be.

It took a couple of months, but I found a day job that not only fit with my schedule, but also has a very positive message that aligns with my own values. I love this job, everything about it. And it wasn't long before I felt like it was meant to be, and I belonged there.

In December I had another set back when my van was hit by another car. I had only just gotten over the last mental setback when this took every dollar I had left, and then some. It was a long month, and in many ways this took longer for me to get over. I felt violated, like my dream was stolen from me, like I had no choice in it, rather than it a result of my actions. It was a very dark time.

I don't know how I would have come out of that with out the support of my tribe and my mentors, and even at times complete strangers. I think it happening so quickly after just coming to terms with the previous "set back" and it being something that was not my fault, but felt like I was being punished was hard, even over whelming. But I made it through. I have a smaller cart now, so my business plan for the summer has changed greatly, but I've been able to continue doing what I love to do.

The point of all of this is that my expectations were unrealistic, and not even my expectations. I had in my head that if I did anything that wasn't related to my business, that I wasn't really devoted to my business. That's just bull shit. It really is a ridiculous notion that you are not a "true" artist (or what ever) if you do not live off nothing but what your art brings in. Am I willing to starve for my work, absolutely, but I'd really rather not if I can help it. It's hard to run a sewing machine from a cardboard house.

Running a business is hard. It takes a good while before you can expect to be in the positive, let alone live solely off of it. I have to work a little harder to balance my business, the day job, and going to school, but it just means that I appreciate the results that much more. Sometimes life doesn't go to plan, so you have to draft a new one.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Playing Dress up with my live dolls

I love playing dress up. I also love dressing up other people. And I love the people who let me dress them up. 

Some people just inspire me. Like this piece worn by the woman who inspired it. Ginger LeSnapps is a brilliant woman, Boss Lady, and Co-founder of Cin City Burlesque. She's one of those people who, when she believes in you, she does so with her whole self. I've been fortunate enough to have this woman as an inspiration and mentor in my life, and from time to time I get to play dress up with her. 

I can't really describe the feeling of putting some one into a vision that you had of them. Especially when it comes together as beautifully as this did. It's like seeing their soul, and then putting it on the outside. 

I will never stop stressing the importance of adult play. I whole heartily believe in it. So take some time out today to color, swing, play a sport, or play dress up.