It all started with my uncle posting this picture with the comment, "sounds like something my dad would do." I smiled and felt reminiscent because, yeah it sounds just like Grandpa, but I wasn't prepared for my next thought, "I miss him"
You see, while Grandpa is physically with us, he has dementia and is not always mentally with us.
When you have a relative with dementia, it feels like a form of death. The person you know and love disappears. They're body is still there, but you watch as their personality changes, everything that makes that person who they are in your mind, leaves. It's not Grandpa's face or figure I'll remember always, it's him choosing to play with the kids rather than have coffee with the adults, and building swings in the back yard, or the smart ass quibs he always had right at the tip of his tongue. Over the years, those things have slipped away.
I can't help but feel sometimes like he has already died. I'm not sure if that will make it easier or harder to handle when he is gone, but there it is.