Ending the year with a Bang...Literally

On Dec. 5th 2015 I was on my way home from vending at the Cin City Burlesque show when the back end of my van was smashed into by another car.

Because it was an older van, the damage was more than the value, so insurance called it a total loss. Oh yeah, the driver of the other car fled the scene because they did not have a valid license or insurance. There is still some debate on whether it was the drunk fella or the girl driving, but the girl is the one being charged. 

This accident really took a lot out of me. I realized just how fragile my confidence can be. This hasn't been an easy case to handle, it's been a fight at every turn.  For the first two weeks I posted a daily update on my gofundme page (gofundme.com/NewCart). Not only was this a way for me to ask (plead) for help, but it was also a bit therapeutic. It gave me a chance to voice to the world every step forward and every hurdle that I had to leap as it came. 

But the other thing that this experience taught me is that I am my biggest obstacle. I would get so into my own head, so into everything that was going wrong, that I couldn't work myself up and stopped doing the things that made me happy. 

I could have been working on more costumes, after the injuries were pretty much on the mend. I could have put a lot more effort into getting things on ebay and such. But I didn't. I stood in my own way a good portion of the time. 

I have let myself get in my own way a few times. I've been scared that something was too big for me, so I didn't go after it. But realizing that you're hurting yourself, is a great start. Now it's time to do something about it. 

No excuses. No "poor me" attitude. I have stuff that needs to be done so by golly it will get done. No one is going to drop a corset company in my lap. I have to make it happen. 

Last year was a great start to making this come true. The year ended very rough, but I survived, and now that I am in January (and have my school reimbursement check because I still don't have the insurance money) I can but my effort into striving, not just surviving. 

I may have lost my way in December. I may have let doubt cloud my path. But today is a new day, new month, new year and a new chance to make things happen.