Friday, January 15, 2016

Something you may not know about me

I have quite a few social phobias. Anything that involves talking on the phone to a stranger takes me up to a week to get the nerve up to do. I don't like going out unless I know at least one person that I can use as an anchor all night. I'm also rather shy, and big groups take a lot out of me.

This shocks quite a few people who have seen me "work a crowd". The truth is, I don't work the crowd, The Sewing Wench does. It doesn't take much to get me into that persona, but every event that I work where I'm selling my stuff, it's The Sewing Wench you interact with.

It really isn't that shocking when you consider that I'm the first internet generation. We learned that we could be social with out having to show our true selves. We didn't need to face the rejection because while we did have winners, we also had participation ribbons. If you participated, you weren't a looser. You weren't a winner, but you're not a looser either.

The truth is, becoming The Sewing Wench is kind of like staying behind that computer screen. They don't have to see ME, and it's her they reject, not me. This is why I always support cos-play. My generation and the ones after me haven't grown up in the social worlds as the ones before. Hell even dating is digital and you no longer have to face the person who might reject you, you just send an email and if they don't respond, you can tell yourself all kinds of things. It's kind of like that participation ribbon. If they don't tell you "no" then you participated so no losers here.

I think that's what most of my social anxiety and phobias come from. That fear of rejection. I didn't have to practice it as a youngster. I was never forced to put myself out there. It also wouldn't surprise me if that's what a lot of the kids my age say their social anxiety stems from too. No one likes to be rejected, but in generations past you had to face it, so the sting was a bit less. Kind of like building up a tolerance for something. If you experience it enough, the effect dull out.

There are occasions now where I can't hide behind my alter ego. And what I can't wiggle out of I have to face. It takes me a while to do this. I prep and practice what I need to say, and write out a script, but eventually it gets done. And I'm the better for it.

So don't scoff at that person who always wears Wonder Woman socks, or the guy who wears the Micheal Jackson jacket everywhere. You never know what villains they are fighting in their life.

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